Hello, it has been lovely seeing you each evening when you come up to enjoy your dinner by our house. You are welcome to come each evening and graze to your heart's stomach's content on all the delicious greens down there - vetch, wild strawberry, nettle, wildflowers and many more good things. It is a pleasure to watch you as you enjoy the Ten ! Whole! Acres! of delicious fodder for you to eat. 
But...
But...why must you do this?
Why do you insist on tormenting me by coming up to my little patch of only 16 tomato plants the last two nights after I'm asleep and pooping right near them so that I know you have been near by? I know you see those delicious tomato plants there - tucked into log terraces with my herbs.
And why did you wait to do this until they are just beginning to ripen?
Are you intentionally tormenting me so that I spend sleepless nights worrying about my tomatoes? Do you even like tomatoes? Do you know that they are my most favourite garden crop and that I usually have way more so I am feeling very protective of these few that I have? Do you know that I purposefully bring my dog inside whenever you are near so that he doesn't chase and pester you? Whaddya say...I scratch your back (keep my dog from chasing you), you scratch mine (hooves off my tomatoes, you!).
And why did you wait to do this until they are just beginning to ripen?
Are you intentionally tormenting me so that I spend sleepless nights worrying about my tomatoes? Do you even like tomatoes? Do you know that they are my most favourite garden crop and that I usually have way more so I am feeling very protective of these few that I have? Do you know that I purposefully bring my dog inside whenever you are near so that he doesn't chase and pester you? Whaddya say...I scratch your back (keep my dog from chasing you), you scratch mine (hooves off my tomatoes, you!).
Be a dear won't you deer? And leave them alone?
Sincerely,
Heather (lover of deer but even more so of toasted cheese and tomato open-faced sandwiches)
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